You're completely useless in the revolution.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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