If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
