I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
