shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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