It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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