I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
