All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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