last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
