I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
