I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize