What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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