you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
