i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize