PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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