I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
