i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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