and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
