I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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