He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
