Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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