On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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