I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize