i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
