i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
