Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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