oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
