I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
