I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize