I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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