Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
