You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
