But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
