I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
