I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize