Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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