I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
