Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize