My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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