He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
