Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
