i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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