she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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