You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need water and some morals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
