You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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