You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
