I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
