after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize