Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize