everyone is single if you try hard enough
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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