porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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