I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nicole vs. Life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
