I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
