why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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