his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
