Got a toothbrush?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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