Me. At least after what I've been through.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
