Is it normal to miss your booty call?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
