He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh god the rape fog is back!
My pussy is not your playground.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
