Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
