tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
