If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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