My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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