I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
