does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
