If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
