Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize