did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
