you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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