i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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