Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
