Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
