Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
