Will you blow on my dice?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
cat food counts as protein by the way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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