you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
