my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
