Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
