i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
