how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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