just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
