A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Still dying that you shit outside
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize