We named our party play list daddy issues
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
