Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
