I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize