u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
