drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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