Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
