sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
