I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
