you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
