toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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