There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
