Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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