i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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