I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
