Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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