why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
